Hayley West | Independent Death Worker / End-of-Life Consultant / Host of DEAD AIR

“A reflection on death: stillness and laughter”

I rarely dwell on the nature of death or what lies beyond. When I do, my thoughts are pragmatic, stripped of spirituality or mysticism. Death feels like a distant, numbing presence, one that has grown familiar after encountering it so often.

This detachment, I suspect, stems from the culture of death avoidance I experienced growing up. In my family, we looked away and moved on; we didn’t linger in grief or explore its depths.

Often, I see myself returning to that same emotional void, that same anti-feeling, when faced with loss. I know there are more deaths to come, more grief to endure. Having lived with grief for so long, I sometimes wonder how prepared I truly am. I tell myself I’m ready, but I suspect each death will unravel me in its own unique way.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on why death feels so persistently present in my life. Since childhood, I’ve experienced seven significant deaths, each distinct in tragedy: drowning, culpable driving, suicide, cancers, and the unexplained.

Perhaps the most defining loss was becoming an orphaned adult in my 30s, a seismic shift that irrevocably altered my life. As a first-generation Australian, I’ve often felt caught between worlds and disconnected from place.

Historical trauma ripples through generations, but thankfully, its remnants seem absent from my daughter’s curiosity about the stories I carry.

And I hold many stories, most revolving around death, this one in particular resurfaces often. After my father’s death, therapy unearthed a long-buried memory: the death of my sister. I was there. I saw her small body, clad in hot pink bathers, lying motionless at the bottom of the pool. Years later, she visited me in the ocean when I was caught in a rip, certain it was my turn to join her. But a surfer pulled me back to safety as my friend waved from the shore, oblivious to the danger. That event still feels surreal, an unnerving brush with another side.

My stories, though tinged with tragedy, carry a strange lightness. Is death drawn to me, or am I drawn to it? Is there a purpose to this pattern, or is it simply chance? I don’t have answers, but I find solace in the questions themselves, in turning toward death, rather than away from it.

Now, as I transition into independent death work and reconnect with my creative self, I envision a future where I become more attuned to death through the needs of my community. My years of education and advocacy in death literacy have led me here.

I continue to foster a deeper understanding of death, not as something to fear or avoid, but as a natural, integral part of life. I hope we can honour death in ways that feel meaningful and connected, to each other and to place.

So, what is death? To me, it is stillness. A pain-free, eternal rest. One day, I will enter the cold, dark earth and finally let go. I imagine decomposing in the bush, wrapped in a simple shroud, surrounded by gums, coffee bush, and wildflowers on glorious Djaara country. It is my hope that Victoria will one day have standalone, dedicated conservation natural burial grounds. I am determined to help create such a place in Castlemaine before it is my turn to die.

I also love to imagine that some particle of my being will persist in the atmosphere, hurtling through the air, passing in and out of people’s ears... a tiny, eternal reminder that I was once here.

Perhaps it will be a whisper, as my sister’s presence whispered to me in the ocean. But secretly, I hope it is my roaring laugh that no one can forget.

—Hayley West (2025)

Editor’s note: Hayley West is an independent death worker, end-of-life consultant, funeral guide, artist, and host of DEAD AIR on 94.9 MainFM. She runs The Departure Funerals, advocating for ethical, personal and ecological deathcare. Further information: www.thedeparture.com.au

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